The Evolution Through My Pain 


The Evolution of Releasing My Compounded Rage & Pain

"HE HURT ME !" I screamed silently

That day in the doctor’s office

When the pain was so great.

My soul felt re-broken....

My body felt re-violated....

And my mind received memories

I thought died with the past.

"HE HURT ME !" I screamed inside

When my father drunkenly missed

My toenail with clippers in hand.

My soul felt frozen....

My body felt attacked...

And my mind received memories

That were meant to last.

"YOU HURT ME !" I screamed out loud

When my father flailed his belt;

A whole congregation watching.

My soul was so broken....

My body so violated...

And my mind received memories

That cemented my new mask.

"SHE HURT ME !" I screamed inwardly

As my mother broke the ruler

Across my freshly bathed bare back.

My soul suffered withdrawal....

My body numbly violated....

And my mind learned repression

Of any emotions very fast.

"HE’S GOING TO HURT ME !" I thought,

Held at knife point by an older kid

As a teacher apologized to the boy.

My soul stood at attention....

My body was non-existent....

And my mind began watching a movie

In which it was rescued at last.

"HE HURT ME !" I screamed inwardly

As my choir teacher’s son chided me

With the truth about my dad.

My soul awakened....

My body took action....

And my mind watched with satisfaction

As he spun then fell at last.

"HE TRIED TO HURT ME !" I admitted,

Learning truth equaled abandonment

Watching Mom and Step-dad drive away.

My soul began breathing....

My body escaped attack....

And my mind learned that the degrees

Of pain were deep and vast.

"HE HURTS ME !" I screamed aloud

After a few of my brother’s tantrums

Left bruises on my back and arms.

My soul embraced me....

My body appeared violated....

And my mind learned fighting back

Physically was a useless task.

"YOU HURT ME !" I told myself

As the car door slammed on my hand,

While caught up in a moment of joy.

My soul empathized....

My body throbbed....

And my mind reprimanded me

A pattern learned hard and fast.

"HE’S GOING TO HURT ME !" I thought

Pinned to the wall, my first husband’s

Arm pressed against my throat.

My soul jump started...

My body remained calm....

And my mind learned the art

Of verbal persuasion very fast.

"HE’S GOING TO HURT ME !" I was sure

Trapped in my car, keys taken away;

Coat buttons - the first to go flying.

My soul became alert....

My body stopped the fight....

And my mind suddenly produced the words

The broke the hold at last.

"YOU’RE HURTING ME !" I screamed aloud

As I slammed his body back and forth

With a force I never knew existed.

My soul watched carefully....

My body blew a valve....

And my mind became concerned

About this rage-filled blast.


As my next husband mistreated our dog

While she was recovering from surgery.

My soul shouted out....

My body took action....

And my mind spewed forth the words

That stopped the assault at last.

"YOU CAN’T HURT ME ! I warned

While reliving the past in this moment -

My face and eye became black and blue.

My soul observing....

My body at peace....

My mind learned a new truth

And held it tightly clasped.

"THEY HURT ME !" I harmonized

With the sound of the bath water pouring

As tears of betrayal raised around me.

My soul applauded....

My body raged and released....

And my mind closed another chamber

O f trust, now an easy task.


Became a bath time ritual whereby

I boiled, simmered, drained and re-masked.

My soul praised this first step....

My body renewed itself....

And my mind began to anticipate

A pain free life at last.


Watching my husband and my best friend

Openly flaunting their attraction to all .

My soul observed intently....

My body became cold....


And my mind learned the art of denial

Then tightened the strings on my mask.


"YOU’VE HURT ME !’ I screamed inside

As she told me that he wanted her

As much as she wanted him.

My soul recognized an opening....

My body became numb....

And my mind became very scrambled

My pride and ego felt the blast.

"YOU HURT ME !" I screamed inwardly

While he talked of love, reconciliation with me

She became a fixture in his life.

My soul encouraged change....

My body searched out the tub....

And my mind fabricated many pluses

For this relationship to end at last.

"THEY ALL HURT ME ! I would state

During early counseling sessions,

My Barbie Mask kept in tact

My soul withdrew....

My body acted out....

And my mind kept busy rationalizing

Hurtful behaviors of those in my past.

"IT’S HURTING ME !" I fearfully faced

The raging earthquake and erupting skin

That told the truth of buried anger

My soul came forward.....

My body stepped back.....

And my mind discovered an outlet

Safe enough to receive the blast.

"THESE THINGS HURT ME ! " I expressed

In drawings, and non-gender type paintings

Representing my painful past experiences.

My soul shouted, "Rebirth"....

My body became healthy....

And my mind became aware of

A gift so grand and vast.

"SHE TRIED TO HURT ME !" I told friends

Of the call at work from HER

Announcing her upcoming marriage to HIM.

My soul understood.....

My body felt a tremor....

And my mind couldn’t believe that

She could still upset me so fast.

"YOU TRIED TO HURT ME !" I expressed

To HIM after HE revealed

Knowledge of HER tasteless call.

My soul sang out....

My body jumped for joy....

And my mind realized that I had

Verbalized my anger to HIM at last.

"SHE’S TRYING TO HURT ME !" I could see

As she stood, babe in arms ,at my door,

Inviting me to attend a family function.

My soul produced visions,

My body did the drawings,

And my mind began in earnest

T he removing of the mask.


When an unknown stalker materialized

And robbed me of feeling safe in my home.

My soul opened up to spirit....

My body renewed it senses....

And my mind listened very closely to

The messages that came out so fast.

"GOTCHA !" I mouthed to him

When, after a wild goose chase,

I stood blocking the path of my stalker’s car,

My soul celebrated.....

My body stood proudly....

And my mind thanked them both

For the awareness and acting so fast.

"HOW DARE YOU !" I thought

As my GP yelled at me loud enough

To be heard by staff and waiting patients.

My soul felt for her....

My body held a peaceful pose....

And my mind asked what’s this really about

While prompting her to act responsibly at last.


Leaving the reunion and a past love behind; Celebrating the return of a lost part of me

My soul sang along with me....

My body felt rejuvenated.....

And my mind filled with glorious thoughts

Of the present and future instead of the past.

"YES, THEY CAN’T HURT ME ! I’ve realized

It is up to me how often and how long

I allow myself to play the victim’s role.

My soul rejoices.....

My body feels, then lets go....

And my mind began to drop my own

And look beyond each and every mask.

"IT’S NOT ABOUT ME." I see now

That I’m just another of life’s characters

In the movie featuring the universe.

My soul evolves daily....

My body feels all my emotions....

My mind is guided by my Higher Self ,God,

And the Angels of the last.

"YES, HE (the doctor) HURT ME." I affirmed

Though it was not his intention

For his ultimate role was to bring

My soul to the forefront....

My body to it’s senses....

And my mind to remember, fully express,

And release the buried rage of the past.

Thank you,

Love and Light,

Carolyn Shannon.

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Copyright 2010 Carolyn Shannon

Published by True Emotions Artwork Plus