Laura Wants Out!

Chapter 2 of Rage to Richness

At the age of 5, after numerous disappointing experiences with loving her dad and having her heart broken time and again, Laura began to feel she wanted out of this human life she had chosen.  It was just too hard. Laura began to hate her life and the sense of hopelessness that weighed her down and blinded her to any glimpse of happiness that came her way.  Happy moments had come to equal painful moments.  Laura began to see them as partners that couldnt be separated.  One led to the other. Thats what her 5 years on this earth had taught her so far.  She began to visualize and then plan ways that she could end her life and  eventually tried to followed through on 2 of them.

               One was while laying on her parents bed as if to symbolize her anger at what their angry drama had done to her,  Laura had found a 3" nail and was trying to push it into her heart.  She was crying and praying for the strength and courage to push it in with all her might when both of her parents came in and after pulling the nail from Laura’s hands gave her a spanking for pulling such a stunt.  On hindsight she would have missed her heart because she was aiming at the center of her chest.  (Thats where it was according to all the cartoons she had watched, after all)

The second time Laura tried to take her life she didn’t care that there were witnesses involved.  In her minds eye, Laura saw herself standing out in the middle of the road, but in reality, she tossed her hula hoop out and ran after it to make it look like an accident. 

She practiced this alone for close to 30 minutes before a car actually came by.  It slammed to a stop and then the driver rolled down their window and gave Laura a lecture on being more aware of what she was doing.  Little did they know she was fully aware...just disappointed that she was still alive. It had taken all the courage Laura could muster up to take this action and they hadnt hit her.  Laura would have no choice but to try again.

At that time she was not fully aware of Divine Intervention or the presence of Angels in our lives.  Instead Laura saw this protection as an interference.  Why couldnt  she go “home:?  Hadnt it been her choice to come here?  Couldnt she simply chose to leave when she wanted to?  Couldnt “they” see it was a no win lifetime that would only become worse and more painful with each day?  Her parents werent capable of giving her the loving, safe and secure childhood Laura so desperately craved and yearned for.  They could barely parent themselves although they were constantly trying to control and parent each other.  Her father with a firm hand and loud voice; Laura’s mother with passive aggression and manipulation.  Neither of which seemed to be very effective

In hindsight of this second attempt,  the location Laura had so painstakingly thought to be perfect because of the poor visibility actually  forced cars to drive more slowly and carefully when approaching the bend of the road leading to the bridge.  If she had actually been hit by a car as it came off the bridge and began to gain speed Laura may have been injured but not killed.  Now she thanks God that she was not hurt that day.  Then, Laura was already trying to come up with Plan C.   Until death came to the only man she had felt a kinship with while living in this God-forsaking little village.